Last post of 2007

I dedicate this post to 2007, the year that supposively, according to the movie Time Machine, was supposed to be the year the moon fell from the sky, destroying almost all proof of human existence as we know it. Well, that never happened, but the year is not over yet (it is in Australia and other parts of the world, but not in the US at least), so we can still expect it may happen.
So, I've decided to go over the highlights of my year, detailing them by the month.
Happy New Year!


January:
I discover YouTube, make an account, and begin to create videos.
Amber's birthday party, we become good friends.
I try unsuccessfully to learn my guitar on my own.
My obsession over Brendon Urie continues.

Febuary:
I go to Claires and get my infamous 'I Have Issues' wristband, wearing it everyday up till this point.
I run out into the snow in my bathing suit.
I start my guitar lessons.
I begin to get into different types of music.

March:
Many, many snow days. Stupid global warming.

April:
My obsession for Brendon Urie is replaced with Gerard Way.
I am now aloud to put posters up in my room, and therefore, go crazy.
I take a trip over spring break to North Carolina.
I discover the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, and generally fall in love with it.
Michael and I supposively hate each other.

May:
Social Studies fair. I present my project on Medieval Knights.
Berkley Days Carnival, I get a case of motion sickness and am forced to watch Amber make out with Ian on a park bench.
Repetitive calls in to 89X for Projekt Revolution tickets.

June:
I start my blog.
School ends.
I travel to Europe for my month trip.

July:
I turn 13.
I get lost in a French city.
I arrive back to the US.
I continue my blog.
Jogging daily.

August:
For the first time in months I see my school mates at a pool party at Katie's house.
Michael and I become friends again.
School begins.

September:
'The Posse' is formed.
I skip a degree in kung-fu and become a yellow sash.
We make a commercial for Vault for our music class.
Todd begins to act different around me.

October:
Todd asks me out on the 19th (yes I still remember, no, shut up)
I pass the lohan test at kung-fu, becoming the only girl in it.
The Fall Festival the same night, I discover the more romantic side of Todd.
Halloween party, trick or treating, Todd and Doni fighting (over me *cough*)

November:
Relationships become strained, Michael and I grow closer.
Amber and I become a bit hostile.
Amber and I get in fight at lunch.
I'm out of the posse.
I've sprouted a brain.

December:
Todd gets mad.
Todd breaks up with me.
Todd leaves me for a little female dog.
Todd thinks that I'm in love with Michael.
Todd is a dumbass.
I form my own posse.
I've never been happier.
Few words are exchanged between me and 'the enemy'
The enemy calls me and complains.
The enemy begins to talk.
The enemy is now the alli?
Winter break.
Christmas.
The idea to form a new YouTube account.
I decide to pick up on writing my book.
I sit here typing.
I reflect on the year, smile, and say "Thank GOD it's over."


That's it. As far as I can remember. My memory is limited, and the beginning months of this year are harder to recall. But, it's been a good year. Next year will be even better.
>=)

Gifts And Curses

Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her,
try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before?
I was sure.
(She is the one), but I have a purpose,
(she is the one), and I have to fight this,
(she is the one), a villian I can't knock down.
I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.
Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her,
above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below,
down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go,
would she know?
(She is the one), all that I wanted,
(she is the one), and I will be haunted,
(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.
I see your face with every punch I take
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say, Still I will always fight on for you. Fight on for you ...

(by Yellowcard)

Stupid

Love is so stupid. I hate people. But this song always makes me feel happy.

Snow!

The ground is COVERED with snow. I mean it. No grass sticking out, or any sign of color, just white, with translucent icicles hanging from the trees, sunlight reflecting off of its cold, wet surface, sending rays of light shimmering onto the snow, sparkling blindly. This is why winter is my favorite season. That, and of course the joy of Christmas. Sure there's the Christmas rush, the constant commute, the blinding blizzard snow, the last minute scramble to buy gifts, relatives, and all that other gobbledygook, but the spirit and feeling of the season is AMAZING. I mean it. We just decorated the tree yesturday, and now it looks absolutely magnificent. With the accumulating eight inches of snow outside, I feel right into the holiday spirit. I really hope that school'll be called off tomorrow, then I can finish off my Christmas shopping. I just need some stocking stuffers and what not. I don't have as much money as an adult has, but I have enough to spare for a few decent gifts for my family and friends (and me. I'm spending my $25 Christmas bonus on myself for sure.)
Part of my Christmas gift wishes have already been filled. I kinda cheated on the stocking part, I'm ashamed to say.
I built a snow fort about two hours ago, too. The snow isn't great for packing, but I had fun with it anyway. I'm going to get as much enjoyment out of it as possible. It's an opportunity that millions of unique snowflakes fall to the ground, and all people do is shovel them out of their way, thinking that they're a nuisance. But really, they are truely beautiful.

Stratego

hmmmmm.....
So the holidays are quickly approaching, aren't they? It reminds me that I still have to do some more Christmas shopping...
Well, that can wait for now.
I hate people. They're stupid. Some of them are okay, but a majority of them I could do without for the rest of my life. It's just the way they act, the way they are, and everything else about them that gets to me. They aren't reasonable, they don't care much for each other, they kill each other, emotionally and physically, and try to bring others down. If everyone had the personality of a dog, maybe life would be better. But dogs aren't exactly intellectual....but I can bet you they have more common sense.
I hate being a teenager, especially. Teenagers are just stupid. They don't know what emotions are, and throw around love and hate WAAY to much. They just go on with life like it's some sort of game, like Stratego.
And if I were in Stratego, I think I would like to be either a bomb or a spy. Everyone around me would just be all the other pieces. Actually, I'll be the bomb. Then when people touched me, I'd blow up. I wouldn't mind that.

Gobbledygook

It's brilliant!
I've been looking for a new blogger title, and I couldn't think of one for the longest time. Then, suddenly, I remembered how ridiculous this entire world was, and all of humanity, and decided to change my blog's name to 'Gobbledygook'. I first heard it when I was reading Bartimaus, and I thought: 'what a shweet word...' and it was my favorite thing to say from that day forward. So now, all I need to do is make a cruddy header in paint, and it will be confirmed.

For some reason, I now enjoy seeing people in pain. Maybe it's because I've put myself through alot, and I want others to feel the same way I did. Right now I kinda feel like that...with my ex. I can tell by the way that he ignores me and pretty much refuses to look at me that he dislikes me. Deal with it, then. It makes me smile. I have major problems. Eric knows that.

-crazy smile-

Listening to Linkin Park makes me feel like doing something peccant.

And now that the song has changed, I'm semi-normal again. Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to start making YouTube videos again. I was forced into remission because of my parents' complaints, but now I've devised a way to make videos without getting yelled at. It's just a matter if I actually show my face in my videos or if my friends do. If I don't, then my parents are completely fine with it. So I can still use my voice, and now problems will evolve.

But I'm sure they wouldn't be too happy with me if they found out about my blog....let's hope that doesn't happen soon....

If You C Jordan

I have a story

A bitter anthem

For everyone to hear

About this kid who just don't like me

And that's a solid fact

They say he's hunting me

And as you see I'm all swelled up with fear

'Cuz I can't get him off my back

Chorus:

If you see Jordan

He makes me sick

High schools over

And you still won't quit

You tried to fight me down at Tyler's beach

And man I think that's great

You nearly cried and said to yell at you

Like I do at all the girls

Then you drove home real quick

Did you make it in time to.........

There's one too many of you in this world

Chorus

You say its chivalry

But it's jealousy that lead us to this song

Won't play it often

Just at least until you're gone

You'll stop at nothing but the real thing

And everything up to that's pretend

You tried to brainwash all my friends

Chorus

F*ck you Jordan

You make me sick

High schools over

I don't care if you die your hair

You'll always be a little read head b*tch.

(by Something Corporate)

Bleeding, yet happy

Well....my boyfriend and I are over....but he's incredibly stupid just by what he wrote in the note he gave me. Maybe I was the one to pick this fight, but if I didn't, then this entire thing would be even more awkward. God, I can't believe how idiotic I've been...I'm becoming a freakin' teenager....
I'm done with guys now. I'll be hitting at the two hot guys at my dojo now, and obsessing over some famous celebrity that's most likely already married. That's how my life was before this mess. I feel happier now. More free, ya know? Being single is awesome. WOO!
Love is stupid. The word 'love' is thrown around so much, it's almost lost it's meaning. Love is way more deep then what people think. As a matter of fact, I'm in no position to be talking about love like that. People think love is about sex, and they abuse it entirely. It leads to unwanted pregnancies, divorces, and ruined relationships. And it also could ruin your life and make you believe your worthless, lowering your self esteem. Or, like it did for me, make you suicidal for fifteen minutes, then make you feel happy for the rest of the day.
Well, that's life, and it's not fair. I'm going to put the lyrics to the song that I believe was made just for AMBER! I'll censor it...

School (continued)

So, Amber and I aren't on good terms. The entire situation is kind of stupid, but all in all, I think it's had more effect on her then on me. I believe it was this Tuesday when she came to my table at lunch and asked me 'what my problem was'. I told her that it was her, and thus, started this little fight, she ending it with the line 'I can't believe you stabbed my back'.
Stabbed you in the back? Where have you been for the past few years, child? For the love of God, get your head out of your ass! I mean, come on? Has it really been me whose doing all the betrayal?
So, the result of that fight was some high fives, pats on the back, and 'good job! you finally stood up to her!'. No more dealing with her...
And of course, all this comes with a consequence. We've had this 'posse' now, and she seems to be brainwashing the majority of them to think that I'm really the one to blame for this entire situation. Of course, being the brainwashing physcotic slut she is, everyone believes her. And at this rate, I don't trust any of them, and don't wish to have to deal with them. Mainly just Tristan and Todd. At this rate, they're really just ticking me off. I mean, come on! She's going to dump you in high school, why stick with her now?
So if this goes on any further, I'll just say goodbye alltogether. I promised I'd never tear the posse apart, and technically, I'm not. I am just simply leaving it, and leaving my friendships(and maybe one relationship) behind as well.
I have the friends I need to survive, and without them, I'm better off as dead. Screw the rest of them, perhaps they'll grow brains in another life, I have people who love me, and I don't need anything else.

School

I hate it. More than life. The place I have to go five days a week, and endure the stupidity of the other people that go there, the pointless drama, the people that dislike me, and socilizing with people who I have no intrest in at all. Why? It's pathetic! I know I have to learn and stuff like that, but can't I just do that at home? I love the learning. Learning is so much fun. I just hate the people. I mean, if I could go to school by myself, with no one to bother me, I'd be fine. Screw all the partner work and groups, and whatever, I do most of the work anyway (not to be stealing anyone's spotlight, but most of the time people end up sticking everything to me saying: "Okay, YOU'RE the secretary, YOU do it." The only disadvantage of being on student council board...missing recess for meetings goes along with that as well).
Even if I do have friends at school, I'm most likely not going to keep them next year. I'll be going to a different highschool as everyone else (which in some cases, I thank God for everyday), starting out fresh away from the people I hate, away from those I love. But really, I'm going to miss them, even if I do see them again at my reunion in twenty or thirty years, but by then, we'll all have changed.
There are three people I am certain will still be my friends. I'll list them straight out.
Hannah
Michael
Gaby
I'm not even too sure about Gaby. But I know I'll be friends with Harhar and Mike forever. There's no doubt in that. I've entrusted these three with alot, and I know they would never give my secrets away. I tell them things I don't even tell (or think of telling) Todd. I can't trust him. Even if he's my boyfriend and all that shit, I can't trust him. There's a high chance he would tell Amber what he finds out.
Yeah, Amber and I aren't on the bestest buddies anymore either....

Turkey Day

I sit here in my cluttery room, freezing cold despite the fact the heater is on and I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt with a hoodie and a blanket...maybe it's because this room is the disconnected from the rest of the house, which exceedes in giving a temperature change.
It's Thanksgiving now, a time when people eat a ton of food and supposively give thanks for what they have. It's one of those totally overlooked holidays; right after Halloween people just skip right ahead to Christmas. We aren't setting up the tree today, my dad wants to wait for a while before we do so, apparently there isn't enough room for the furniture in the attic. But even so, Christmas is coming soon, in about a month, and I'm sure no one in my family is as excited about it as me. Maybe it's because I'm the youngest, and the thrill of waking up at seven in the morning to open a wide variety of freshly wrapped gifts amuses me, or the thrill of watching loved ones gasp in suprised and say things like: 'how did you now I wanted this?!' or 'Thank you soooo much!' as they open presents.My dad wants me to list all of the things I want for Christmas, but I think if I do so, I'll feel kind of needy.
I don't want much, but there are a few things in particular that I'm appalled to recieve. I know my mom may be planning to give me a cell phone, but that wouldn't satisfy me because I rarely talk on the phone to anyone, unless it is to discuss meeting plans or school work. I mine as well tell her to save her money, and go buy a nice Christmas present for herself instead.But if I DID have to list the things that I wouldn't mind recieving, they'd be...

Borders gift cards, pile them on.
iTunes and F.Y.E. gift cards, I would never run out of uses for those.
Another year subscription to membership on runescape.
Slippers. (I found a pair that I particularly like..ones decorated with two big skulls)
Anything InuYasha or anime related on Ebay, like plushies and other things (ones to compliment Kilala, InuYasha, and Sesshomaru)
A rat.

I already know that at least $40 of borders gift cards is in order; my extended family normally give me over $100 worth a year. (normally $20 from each relative, Grandma, Aunt, ect.)
As far as anything that must be provided by access to the internet, my dad would be the one to provide those.
Slippers would be something my mother would most likely get, along with the rat (I reallllllyyyy want onnnneeeeeeeee. My guinea pig has been dead for two years now, I need some more fury company).
So, there isn't much I would desperatly like for Christmas this year (discluding the rat), especially since last year, I was being quiet expensive (electric guitar, mp3 pillow, nice speakers with subwoofer) and for my birthday I also recieved an 80GB video ipod. (I am NOT spoiled!)
But as far as gifts for my loved ones go, I'm going shopping tomorrow and bringing an extensive amount of money with me to buy whatever they may want. I hope they ALL get there revenge and feel as spoiled as ever.

Throwing Knives At The Wall

Sometimes the world slows down. Sometimes it just stands still. Sometimes everything is peaceful and you feel like everyone is the same, we all are created equal and it doesn't matter what we look like or who we are, it only matters that we all are trying to make it through this hell. There is so much hate and war, but there is also love and peace. It may seem invisible at times, but it's there. You may not know it. No one can truely hate another person. Love is always there, even if we try to hide it. Hate is powerful. If it were just hate, we'd all be doomed. But it's not. And if you just think about it, then you'll find a better place in what seems to be a bad one.

Jogging

Cool wind blows in my face, I continue to jog, moving my hips and arms in a way that makes me look professional. I breath in and out smoothly, keeping pace with myself, wearing my 'don't piss off the voices' shirt, and my blue yoga and track pants. The weather is cool, and I'm enjoying it, the sky is cloudy unfortunatley, no sunset for me to watch. Life isn't always lucky, we can't count on everything to go right, but cool weather is good for me. Fall has started, litterally, now that things are cooling down and leaves are turning. I expect peak by October, but I can never be too sure. Turing the corner, I enter a world of trees and houses, and cars parked at the side of the grey pavement, people making dinner in their kitchens, and slowly ending the day, in hopes of waking up tomorrow to a fresh pot of coffee. I lick my lips in attempt to keep them moist, but the wind dries them once more, and I'm forced to go on without any access to chapstick. My breathing grows heavy, and my lungs feel the pressure, but I don't slow down, only speed up, set toward my goal, trying to get home in enough time to watch my show.
So it goes on in the like, never stopping, except when waiting for a car, jogging in place at the time. I arrive four houses before my own, and bolt off, moving my arms faster, and my legs moving at there full extent. I arrive at home, putting my hands on my head to allow more air into my lungs, and then running inside to consume a welcoming glass of cold water.

Purpose

I sit in my computer chair, once again, and wonder what my purpose here on earth is. Many times I have thought about it, and many times I have guessed to what it may be. Time will tell what my destiny is, for now, I must savor my last year before hell breaks loose.
Conformation class on Sunday, as always, beaming at the pastor, listening to him talk about the commandments, my attention wavering slightly when he started giving a small sex talk. Dating was another topic he went over, he was talking about the difference between dating and courting, and how the two are often confused in present-day America. I rolled my eyes at some of the things he said, such as 'dating as many people as you want at one time', making me want to smack him back to reality, and teach him how women feel about that, and how jealousy and cat fights come as a result. Not that any guy is actually worth breaking a nail over, but how idiotic that statement sounded at the time.
Another topic that made me all sorts of angry, was homosexuality, and how it is like murder. Murder.
Bull.
Freakin' bull.
How the hell could that be like murder? Love is love. If a man and a man love each other, or a woman and a woman love each other, so be it. That's life. We aren't perfect. If the Christians want to look down and homosexuality, then they are being discriminate, people shouldn't be judged like that, not at all. Especially when Christians sometimes seem to think that THEY are superior over everyone. Catholics, Episcopalians, and all those other Protestant religions. You may hear it different, but my mind may comprehend things different than yours.
Rel then came over, and we ate subway and stayed up until some ungodly hour, watching Family Guy and Futurama. She went home earlier today, leaving me to go to kung-fu, and come home and eat dinner.
Now I sit typing away at incredible speeds that most normal thirteen year olds couldn't and laughing for using the word 'normal', because I am truly far from it.

I need a piece of chocolate.

I'm staring at my pile of bills saved over the summer, wondering how this is going to pay for law school, a camcorder, and a trip to a mall on Tuesday. Pathetic. I have a hard life, and I'm only thirteen. I decide to count the bills. Approxiamatly 150 dollars, since the chances that I counted wrong are high. Sure I have a job, but I doubt cramming three hours of setting up tables at a banquet hall is going to pay off anytime soon. I'll give it about another decade. Maybe I'll at least have saved up 10,000. Haha. What would that pay for in college? A month? No, maybe a week. At least I'd be able to get some kind of law/politic based education. Not to mention the degree in political science I plan to have by then.
I look at the clock. One thirty. Maybe I should go over to a friends house today. But who? I don't know anyone of the same gender I can talk to without getting bored after about an hour. If I go to one of my guy friend's house, it'll seem like a date. Maybe not to me, but to him and the rest of the population of the world. I sigh. Life is weird. Really weird. I beam at my computer. All thanks to you, you piece of trash.
Dammit.
I have alot to worry about right now, I should be out, getting exercise, but instead I sit here, immersing myself in the my virtual internet world. Plus, if I try to ride away in my bike, I'll most likely be forced to come back and wear my childish rainbow-colored helmet. No thank you. I'll get in some jogging after Conformation class at church, to many pollutants during the day to activate my asthma. Maybe just for a simple walk. Yes! That's it. It'll give me time to unravel, and allow my eyes to rest from staring at this mezmerizing, pixilated computer screen. Yeah, I'm using big words, I feel smart.
My homework is done, just a simple algebra lesson on lateral and surface area. Nothing to difficult about that. Adding like terms will come soon, and I despise that. I like working with the unit multipliers and fractions, those are the most fun. Good thing the President doesn't have to do big mathamatical equations. He gets the calculator. Soon his position will be mine. In twenty two years from now, that is. The last thirteen years have gone by fast enough, I wouldn't question the next twenty or so.
Which brings on another subject.
High school.
Gulp.
I don't want to think about it. Where I am going, I have no essential clue. I'm not prepared to be made fun of. Since I know I will. My insane outbreaks are bound to scare someone. Friends? My friends for the past eight years? They'll all be going somewhere else. Again, dammit. Curse the irony. Curse it to the deepest depths of firey hell. Don't you love my beautiful, inquisive, adjectives and adverbs? I'm not even sure what the hell 'inquisive' means, but I'm sure it has something to do with elegence and glamor. Glamor? Sounds teeny-bopper ish. Ugh. Teenagers. They scare the living shit out of me too. Despite the fact I am one. I just avoid using 'like' to many times, and talking like I still think the world is flat.
Whatever, the walk plan sounded good to begin with, I'll go with that.

Hollow

To you

I'm all I've left undone

I'm all I haven't won

Lift me up my soul's so hollow

Lift me up

You take

The breath you didn't make

What's left you did forsake

Lift me up my soul's so hollow

Lift me up my soul's so hollow

You can make me scream internally

You can make me breathe eternally

Yeah

You see

The things I cannot change

The things that make me plain

Lift me up my soul's so hollow

Lift me up

We've made

All from the sum of none

All that we have become

Lift me up my soul's so hollow

Lift me up my soul's so hollow

You can make me scream internally

You can make me breathe eternally

You can make me scream internally

You can make me breathe eternally

Yeah

Fill, fill what's in me

Fill, fill what's in youFill, fill what's in me

So my soul's not left so hollow

You can make me

SCREAM

You can make me

BREATHE

You can make me scream internally

You can make me breathe eternally

You can make me scream

You can make me breathe

You can make me scream

You can make me breathe, me breathe

by Submersed

*smacks blog with bat*

Hey. Long time no see uknown person. School started today. That was fun. Met up with all my friends I haven't seen in forever. Yes, once you turn thirteen three months is forever. It's strange. Like the way you despise your parents no matter how hard you try not too. Us teenagers never get credit for that. We just are considered as a bunch of brats that are completely imature and have no brains whatsoever. NOT TRUE! I think people don't start to really get you until you turn twenty. Then their opinion changes, and the no longer discriminate you because you have 'teen' in your label. Well, that's what it's like through my eyes at least.

Well, other than that, Dream Cruise weekend on Woodward lasted about a week, the rain drove everyone out, but during that week, it was completely insane, I was amazed how many people swarmed the streets, especially since I live right off of Woodward. The air was full of gas, and the traffic was horrible, I could barely breathe and navigate when I was on my bike. I kinda like it. Brings back good memories. Despite the big step toward the Apocolypse.

*sigh* I'm really bored right now, I still have a hell of a lot of typing to do, and I've gotta write in my flippin' journal. I plan to get the book I'm writing currently on the shelves by the time I turn fifteen. It's not impossible. Just look out for it. I'll tell you the title and everything when it comes out.

On Top of The World

Look up, the stars are fading

And I am still here waiting

To see you again

Be with you my friend

When the moon is gone forever

I hope you're up there somewhere

I'll see you again

Be with you my friend

'Cause all the roads they lead to where you are

And all the streetlights shine like they were stars

That's where you are

Let's spend tonight on top of the world

And we can do anything,

We can be anything

I'll meet you tonight on top of the world

As real as it seems,

You're only in my dreams

Look out across the water

Faces of lonely daughters and mothers who care

But just can't be there

Swear that I will see you someday

I have to find a way

To show you I care

Even if you're not there

So I'm following the road to where you are

(Meet you tonight on top of)

The streetlights they will guide me to the stars

That's where you are

Let's spend tonight on top of the world

And we can do anything,

We can be anything

I'll meet you tonight on top of the world

As real as it seems,

You're only in my dreams

My heart is empty without you

Sometimes you don't know what you do

And I need you tonight

I'll fall asleep and it's alright

Close my eyes and

I'll be by your side

Let's spend tonight on top of the world

And we can do anything,

We can be anything

I'll meet you tonight on top of the world

As real as it seems,

You're only in my dreams

Let's spend tonight on top of the world

(On top of the world)

As real as it seems,

You're only in my dreams

by Boyslikegirls

12 and 13

It's weird. It really is. When your twelve, you feel like a kid. You are treated like a kid. But you want to be treated like an adult. If you could write like Tolkien, or draw like Van Gogh, then you were considered to be very talented. If you had a big vocabulary, then you were considered to be smart. If you were the MVP of your baseball team, you where considered athletic. Everything is great.

Then you turn thirteen. You mine as well have just turned thirty. Even if you were Van Gogh, or Tolkien, you'de just be considered as okay. Suddenly, your being treated like an adult, if you were shy, or didn't want to talk, the only excuse you had is now gone. You can't say it's just because your twelve, because you aren't twelve any more. You are thirteen. Your suddenly just an average person again. Nothing you do is extrodinary, it's just normal.

That's what it feels like to me. Now that I'm thirteen, it feels like more is expected of me. It feels like I've just jumped out of childhood, and into adulthood in one night. Even if that night was spent in a hotel, eleven hours by plane from home, everything seems to change. I talked to my friend about this, she thinks the same thing. When you're twelve, your so young, and then you turn thirteen, and your a lot older. It seems alot older. The only difference is by one number. One. It's weird. I almost want to be twelve again. I aske one of my friends what it was like to be thirteen, and she said: 'Enjoy being twelve because thirteen sucks.' Let that be a warning to all you twelve-year-olds. IT SUCKS! Take advantage of it. Don't look forward to it. Because it will be different, it will.

Rain

It's wonderful. Whenever it rains, people don't do anything. The world slows down. Everything is quiet. People decide to stay inside all day, leaving the outside world at peace. At these times you can appreciate life and the world around you, go for a walk with a rain coat on and listen to the pitter-patter sound of the rain, and smell that wonderful, wet dewy smell, the smell of rain on flowers, rain on grass, rain on trees, rain on life. I love it. I like peace. It gives me a chance to relax and forget about everything else.

You should try it. I recomend it. Where I live, unfortunatly, Global Warming has affected this place and most of the weather we get here is hot, humid, and sunny, very hot I should say, we were up and past a hundred the other day.

There is no better soundtrack or movie then Nature itself. Get off of your computer and go out now, before your time runs out.

I still can't make titles....

I still haven't finished Harry Potter 7. I've been taking my dear old time, I don't like to rush. I like to slow things down, sleep for 14 hours, stand around doing nothing, or draw a picture.....I don't have anywhere to go, anyone to meet, the only way I get away from my house is riding my bike to martial arts, but other than that, I barely do anything. Makes me feel useless. Maybe I am useless. So far I have no purpose. I may have one later in my life, but now I'm just some sulky teenager, who lurks around in the shadows of the house, dreaming about what life could be like. Growing extremely anxious about the upcoming concert, trying to calm myself down, trying to tell myself that I probably won't be able to get backstage.......it's a fifty fifty chance. If I do, I'll be lucky not to have a heartattack by that point. What can you expect? I'm not that outgoing. I don't 'live like there's no tomorrow', I try to make my motto be 'you've only got one life to live', trying to be reckless, daring, but both seem impossible. Maybe I need to hang out with people my age again. My friend just emailed me, saying she might be able to hang out with me next week, which just lifted my spirits a bunch. I want to feel like my old self again......

Funny Stuff & Conversation

You know what I've noticed? Now a days, people think that making fun of others is funny. And you know what? It sure as hell is. Of course it's not nice but nice doesn't seem to matter. Sometimes people can crack a funny joke without being racist, sexist, or just plain sick, but I've noticed that alot of comedians normally can't make up something funny without putting someone else down. Now, if someone at school said something that put ME down, I'd kick their ass, but other people can be more sensitive, and whooping someone's ass isn't exactly the first thing that comes to mind. I'm not saying I care, I'm mainly saying that humans are a sick, greedy, and selfish type of life form. Maybe even the sickest life form there is, and that's giving alot of credit to some of those animals out there that eat each other. Sure, there are cannibals, but not many these days. Or any at all for that matter. I don't get out as much, you know?

And having a sense of humor is important when making conversation, frankly, if one person is talking to the other and that person can make a racist joke that makes the other person laugh, they don't care, as long as the other person thinks there funny. And I'm not expert on conversation, to tell you, I suck at conversation, and most of the time, the person I'm talking to sucks at conversation as well, which leads up to one thing: a very akward silence.
For example:

Me: Hey
Person: Hi
Me: What's up?
Person: Nuthin
Me: Cool (?)
Person: Yeah.
Me: Yeah.
.........................................
Me: Is that all you have to say?
Person: What?
Me: Never mind.....

I can have a perfect conversation with myself, since I know EXACTLY what to say and exactly how to respond to my own questions and comments. But when talking to someone else my age (older people and younger people can go on for a while, but teenagers can be just plain stupid sometimes), the conversation normally lasts for five seconds. And when a good conversation DOES start, it normally starts with making fun of that fat kid in gym class, who breaks into a sweat after walking one lap. If there were SOME way to make conversation without involving stuff like that, then......well, technically that's impossible, now that I look at it, if the person I'm talking to gets bored, then I start saying random funny stuff I stole from comedians on Comedy Central, until they start laughing and get in the talking mood again. Other times, if I make fun of and do impressions of my mom, people start laughing, most of my humor is formed around jokes of my mom menopausing and screaming about yogurt.

I think I got my point out to all of you Americans....and other people, so I thank you for listening to me and remind you to stay in school and don't drink and drive.

Counter....and yes, a bunch of other crap

I decided to put a counter at the bottom of the page so I could see if anyone ever views my blog. Since last night, no one has. The only one who has viewed it is me. Has ANYONE ever read my blog? Probably not, I didn't put the url out anywhere, someone might have stumbled across it by accident, but the chances of that EVER happening are one out of five.

Well, so far I'm only a seventh of the way through my Harry Potter book, so I probably won't finish it today, and probably not tomorrow either. It seems to me that I've become a slow reader. During the school year, I barely had time to pick up a book (unless it was manga) and it took me from November to May to finish the Fellowship of The Ring, the most BORING book I have read in ages, I continuely stopped and read something else, then I'd go back to it and read it until I grew bored again. Things started to get a bit more exciting around the time Gandalf was killed, but before that, the only damn thing anyone did was walk and report seeing something in the shadows. I have to say, I liked the Hobbit alot better. It was MUCH more exciting. Of course I'm slowly traveling off-topic, but ever since Rome (alot of things have happened 'since Rome') I have the tendency to drift off to to lala land.

And whoever invented the kit-kat bar is GENIUS, pure genius......yum.....

One-X

Do you think about

Everything you've been through

You never thought you'd be so depressed

Are you wondering

Is it life or death

Do you think that there's no one like you

We are

We are

We are

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

The life I think about

Is so much better than this

I never thought I'd be stuck in this mess

I'm sick of wondering

Is it life or death

I need to figure out who's behind me

We are

We are

We are

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

The life I think about

Is so much better than this

I never thought I'd be stuck in this mess

I'm sick of wondering

Is it life or death?

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

We stand above the crowd

We stand above the crowd

We stand above the crowd

(Crowd)

(We stand)

We stand above the crowd

We stand above the crowd

(We Stand)

We stand above the crowd

(We are the ones)

We stand above the crowd

(We get knocked down get back up)

We stand above the crowd

(We are the ones)

We stand above the crowd

(We get knocked down get back up)

We stand above the crowd

We stand above the crowd

We stand above the crowd

We stand above the crowd

by Three Days Grace (ROCK ON!)

I can't think of a freakin' title........and other crap

Well, I haven't writen in the past several days only because this blog has been the last thing on my mind. Not that I'm busy or anything, it's just that I haven't felt any need to write. My mom is now letting me go back to kung-fu; yesturday was the first time I've gone to the dojo in over a month. Oh, and I finally got the Harry Potter book. I thought my dad was going to get it for me while I went to Canada with Hannah, but apparently he was too busy, and so, I got it from borders today, three days after it came out (I think...). I already know who dies of course, but I'm dying to know what exactly happens and how Voldemort is defeated. Yes, I am a loyal Harry Potter fan, and have been since I was six. And now, I got a Deathly Hallows poster that I got with the book. It's on my left wall, and it's the exact picture that's on the American cover (AND it's my second Harry Potter poster, the other one's on the wall right of me, a movie poster from the Prisoner of Azkaban, I got it out of some Bop or Tiger Beat magizine.......)

So for the next day, I will be gluing myself to that book, to find out exactly what happens. And yes, I say a day, because I will most likely finish it tomorrow, seeing that I have nothing better to do.

Another thing that happened since I last wrote was me going to Canada. I went with Hannah to a little island called Pelee, where her and her family have a cottage located on the shore of Lake Erie. We only stayed there for a day and a half, meaning in that time, we did everything that you could possibly do in a day on Pelee. Which involed a lot of swimming, ten miles of bike riding, and of course the three full hours of jetskiing and tubing. Oh, and I nearly killed myself on that jetski. There was only one, that is kept in the garage of the cottage, and a complete pain to pull out and into the water (I won't describe it, but it was a heck of a work out). Hannah showed me how it worked, and we went on it together for about an hour, taking turns driving and jumping HUGE waves. When I was on my own, I didn't have Hannah behind me telling me to slow down, so I went completely crazy, going as fast as I could over killer waves, slamming back down, nearly killing myself and the jetski, but having fun and laughing crazily the entire time. I knew God didn't plan for me to die in a jetski accident, so I threw all caution to the wind and let him deal with the rest (how I knew this....I don't know exactly....my relationship with God is weird).

The worst thing about Pelee, was the sunburn. I forgot about sunblock, and I spent so much time in the water, mainly because I LOVE the lake, it's like a giant swimming pool. And the WORST part about the worst thing about Pelee, is that when sunburn goes away it turns into........

A TAN.



I HATE TANS.


-shudders-


I gave up on wearing my sweater everywhere, hiding in the sun, and acting like a complete emo-vampire-goth in Rome, but still, I have that 'vibe' the emo-vampire-goth vibe, and I still hate getting tan and hate going out in the sun, but sometimes, it can't be avoided. At least I can go out in the sun without driving myself crazy, I got over that in Rome (before if I was out in the sun longer than a half-an-hour, I would grow angry and frustrated, which slowed me down a bit when it came to track). I loved the weather in France, it was always wet and cold, which is the kind of weather I like the most.


Wellllllllllllllllllllll..............

I'm going to get on with my life, go on myspace, take a shower, glue myself to that book, watch the Colbert Report on Comedy Central at ten or eleven thirty, and get on with my life, so good bye, farewell, so long, whatever, I'm just going to leave you now.

HARRY POTTER! And other crap.......

It's coming. In about three hours. It'll come, and I'm ready. I already know who dies, I was TEMPTED to read those spoilers. But I did. I don't know if they where true, but if they where, then all Harry fans, start dancing and throw away your plans to murder J.K. Rowling.

Well, other than that, I get to go to CANADA! My friend Hannah invited me. Oh yeah. And my dad was nice enough to volunteer to go pick up number seven for me. I got a gift card with 'Deathly Hallows' right on it. Yeah baby.

Well, other then that......I need a life. I got my own FanFic yesturday, so now I'm writing a story. Fun fun. I've had writers block forever. Now I'm writing a story, and I WILL NOT STOP! At any cost. I'll give you the link to my profile later maybe.

Another good thing- my computer stopped blocking myspace.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'll give you the link to my profile later maybe. ;)

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That was fun.

New Neighbors and other crap

Well, I've arrived home, back to my stinkin' country and boiling weather. I miss Europe already............of course I missed all my friends here, and am DYING to hear what I missed in the past month.
-stares Amber down-
PICK UP YOU DAMN CELL PHONE!
You better not have done something incredibly stupid and reckless while I was gone....I can think of a few things you might have done..........OHMYGODJUSTPICKUPYOURPHONE!
Blah.
The flight back was a drag, my mom's breath stunk up the entire plane, so I dumped an entire pack of tic-tacs into her hand and told her it would help. It didn't. Oh well. The flights over, and just yesturday I was standing in France watching people blow off fireworks and light themselves on fire. It made up for missing the 4th of July, I guess.
Other then that, I FINALLY became a teenager on July 11th, so now, whenever someone asks me how old I am, I can stand up, puff up my chest, and in the deepest voice say,
I AM THIRTEEN!

Well, not really.

Our neighbors sold their house.


Which would make the next neighbors about the tenth we've ever had.

I'm interested in who it may be.

The sign went up last weekend, so we may have a while yet till we know exactly who's gonna move in.

Other than that, I have been up for at least 24 hours due to the time change, so I will be off to bed and out in less than five minutes.

Up, up, and away!!!

Well, an hour and a half before I must leave for the airport. I promise I'll take thousands of pictures and post them all on my blog.

Over my dead body.

I'll post SOME pictures though, I don't wanna waste my already boring life on constantly uploading pictures and posting them. It would take YEARS. My friend said if I met any hot guys to not be shy and talk to them, but what if they don't speak English? I can see a big problem already.......

I'm also afraid that I'm gonna accidentally eat something with nuts in it and die. I'm severely allergic to nuts. Especially peanut butter. A strangely common thing for people to be allergic to now-a-days.

AND.....

I'll be spending time with my parents. Yuck. Gross. Parent-child bonding scares the living crap out of me. Ughhhhh... -shudders- Loving my parents is physically and mentally impossible for me.

And if things don't go well................

.........................................

Amber, you get my cds, my ipod, and my cd player. You can have my computer as well, it hates me anyway. Take my guitar too, if you want. Oh, and the tickets for the concert, all yours. Just make sure you have fun and talk to Gerard for me.

All my anime stuff goes to Hannah, I know she'll want it.

My drawings......I don't care who takes them, just don't throw them away or burn them. I may not like them all, but I put EFFORT into drawing them. And I'll admit that I'm pretty good at drawing for my age. I'M NOT BRAGGING!

My books, just give them to good will, along with the rest of the stuff I don't care about. NO THROWING OR GIVING AWAY MY MANGA. That goes to Hannah, cuz it's considered anime.

And, invite Gerard to my funereal. Just do it. Please. My request.

......................................

No I'm not dying, I was just writing that in case something bad happens to me. Not that I gurentee anything WILL or WILL NOT happen to me. Whatever, I'll see you later, maybe in a month if I'm still alive. Just kidding! Bye I'm off to party my way through Europe!


So long and farewell, take care of yourselves for the next month my good people.

Cheese Puffs! and alot of sarcasm.....

~The following post has nothing to do what-so-ever about cheese puffs or anything cheesy or puffy in that matter, if I don't get to off topic, the title was just created to attract attention because now-a-days it seems that people like cheesy and puffy things ((but it there is alot of sarcasm, I changed the title after I read through this several times)~

Okay. Here I am, sitting in my room, the only sounds are the sounds of the fan, and my crappy and neglected computer running against its own will. And maybe I'm also talking to myself -no doubt that I am- since it seems to happen so often in my case. Oh, and I forgot to mention the bead curtain on the side of the room that's now reflecting the light off of it's turquoise colored beads, which is annoying the hell out of me. I'd go on describing every single detail of my room, but unlike some other people, I have a life. Kinda.

Tomorrow is the day when the ship sets off on it's Madden voyage! No, not really, I just wanted to say something that sounded interesting, BUT I am leaving for Europe tomorrow (which will soon be today in fifteen minutes my time), so I say goodbye to my blog, America, all the creepy people I've talked to online (-snort- Just kidding!), and all my friends, and especially the broken hearted friend I am leaving when I go to Europe (yeah, I'm talking to YOU Amber. Thank you SO much for calling me back. Of course I'm being sarcastic, but it's SO hard to express sarcasm through text. And by the way, that last sentence about sarcasm wasn't meant to be sarcastic. For any of you who might have thought that by the way I capitalized 'so').

I feel kind of afraid of flying. Since the last time I've ever flown was when I was three on my way to Sandi ago, California. But, I shall have Gerard! (what I named my ipod), and he will be my comfort through out the flight. Soothing me with his depressing lyrics but yet beautiful songs. (I'm referring to My Chemical Romance if you people who haven't been out in a million years were wondering. And if you still are confused, MCR is a band and you deserved to be whacked upside the head, dumb***t). Yeah, I'm being mean, I know, but I'm cracking up at my crappy jokes all the same, and if your stupid enough, you probably are too. Haha, we all know I should be a comedian, it'll get me out of the house and away from my insane mother. (I was being SARCASTIC there.)

But yeah, I'm bored, tired, and thirsty, and I want to go to bed and dream about a guy that I made up in my mind that looks like Gerard Way but his name is Eric and he's not thirty. He's in college, though, still making him alot older than me. What's me with older men? My god. Maybe it's because older men have BRAINS.....

An online blog isn't enough

I think I should start writing a journal of my life. Or typing one at least (since I suck at writing, and can type about 50+ words per minute. You probably could to, if you did so much online chatting for the past two years), but the problem with typing is that I won't always be near a computer. Maybe I should start a scrapbook then. I have a lot of pictures from previous school years, and outdoor education camp (something the 5th and 6th graders go to some time in late Febuary), and it would be nice to have some memories to hold onto when I go to highschool.

I have one more year of middle school.

I hate admitting it, I'm not very old otherwise. But still, the people I've gone to school with are people I've know for eight to nine years, and it will be extremely hard to part with them. Some of them will be going to the same high school as me, depending on whether or not that school will let me in. That's another problem. The high school I want to go to has a limited amount of openings, and if I don't end up going to that one, then I'll end up going to some all-girl school, which in my case, would be complete torture.

But back on subject, I've decided to go through some of my things, and give some of it away, since I always end up convincing myself that I have to much, and that I need to give some of it away to people who need and desire it more than I do. I came across a few envelopes of pictures from previous years of middle and elementary school, and ended up going through them. It brought back a lot of unforgettable memories. I will always hold them in my heart. Even when I leave that school, like the 8th graders did this year, I will look be able to look back and smile to myself as I remember the good times I've had.

BUT.......

There is one more year left. One more year with my best friend (IF she comes back to my school, if she doesn't I'll make sure I strangle her). One more year to make memories at the school I've gone to since I was five.

I promise I'll make it the best year of my life. ☺

Youth Of The Nation

Last day of the rest of my life

I wish I would've known

Cause I didn't kiss my mama goodbye

I didn't tell her that I loved her and how much I care

Or thank my pops for all the talks

And all the wisdom he shared

Unaware, I just did what I always do

Everyday, the same routine Before I skate off to school

But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest Instead of taking a test

I took two to the chest

Call me blind, but I didn't see it coming

Everybody was running But I couldn't hear nothing

Except gun blasts, it happened so fast

I don't really know this kid

Even though I sit by him in class

Maybe this kid was reaching out for love

Or maybe for a moment

He forgot who he was

Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged

Whatever it was I know it's because

[chorus:]We are, We are, the youth of the nation

Little Suzy, she was only twelve

She was given the world

With every chance to excel

Hang with the boys and hear the stories they tell

She might act kind of proud

But no respect for herself

She finds love in all the wrong places

The same situations

Just different faces

Changed up her pace since her daddy left her

Too bad he never told her

She deserved much better

Johnny boy always played the fool

He broke all the rules

So you would think he was cool

He was never really one of the guys

No matter how hard he tried

Often thought of suicide

It's kind of hard when you ain't got no friends

He put his life to an end

They might remember him then

You cross the line and there's no turning back

Told the world how he felt

With the sound of a gat

[chorus]

Who's to blame for the lives that tragedies claim

No matter what you say

It don't take away the pain

That I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies

Don't nobody know why It's the blind leading the blind

I guess that's the way the story goes

Will it ever make sense

Somebody's got to know

There's got to be more to life than this

There's got to be more to everything I thought exists

[chorus]

(By P.O.D.)

You look so much like.....

Wow. I find it very annoying when someone says this. You'll just be walking into school, or into a store, or somewhere like that, when SUDDENLY some random person comes up to you and says: "You remind me so much of so-and-so. You and so-and-so have the same colored eye and you both have the same face and....."

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I hate it! God dammit, I don't wanna look like someone else! I want to be a freakin' individual! I don't want to look the same as 'so-and-so', I want to be myself, all the time, have my OWN personality, have my OWN face, my OWN habits, my OWN physical features, I don't want to be compared to ANYONE, and for the love of Christ, why the HELL does my mother NOT knock on the damn door!? Why does she just walk in when I don't want to be interrupted, and start blabbing on about her screwed up life, or telling me to get the damn lights off, or clean my damn room, or get my *insert bad word* off of the computer!

Now that I've settled down a bit, I have decided that I'm going to put up a motion detector and alarm system on my door so I know when my parents walk in. And maybe lasers, so they get zapped too. Or I'll booby trap it, and have this DNA detector thing so that it doesn't go off when I walk past the door.

Well, that didn't have anything to do what-so-ever with the topic, and I'm getting bored, so I'm gonna spell check this and then post it.

Probably the shortest post I ever make....

How do ya like the header? I like it a lot actually, it's a picture of Inuyasha, a stubborn yet brave half demon. I like his personality, spunky, brave, and confident, but totally clueless at the same time. I also thought that my blog title would go along with it, since 'who gives a crap anyway?' Sounds exactly like our rebellious Inuyasha would say. He's a great role model, despite his bad language and rudeness, and maybe that he's only an anime character who doesn't exist.

I'm really mad at the world

I am! This place is insane! I can't believe humans! There so messed up! I feel like doing something, about the war in Iraq, about global warming, about world hunger and poverty, but what can I do? It feels like a clock is ticking, not just for me, but for the whole world, and on that clock is all the time we have left. Whether it be years or months or weeks or days or hours or minutes or even seconds, I don't know, no one can possibly know or figure out. The human mind can't penetrate something like that. It's impossible. Or is it? So much to be learned, so much to be gained, so much more than there already is. It's a strange world. I begin to wonder who put us here? More importantly, why? Why is there an Earth, or an Universe? People believe that us coming to be is by coincidence, but how is it possible? How could the Universe, the world, and everyting we know, the amazing human mind, and this perfect world have come about in a blink of an eye? Everything is so complex, it's almost impossible for anything such as that to happen.

Another thing that ticks me off is how people abuse the world we live in. It's a perfect place! What more could you ask for?! Our world is unique, it has everything a person could ever need on it, it's just unbelievable how people can just abuse it like they do everyday. There is no world like our world, we should respect and protect it, or pay the price.

A half a day before they let me out.....

Yes finally, a half a day before they let me free. Free to be the weird person I am anytime I want without the worry of homework and projects and other things that involve mental activity. I don't like to think. My brain clicks in on and off, it does its own things whenever it wants to. Quite irritating really. Right now I think it's half-on and half-off. I don't feel to smart right now....

After this is over, I get to pay a visit to all of the people on the eastern side of the world. I'm happy I'm going there, not happy I'm going there for a month with my parents. Cut off from all communication, unable to talk to any of my friends in America, surrounded by a ton of people who don't speak English or even care about Americans anyway. It's like a super creative way to be grounded. And expensive, too. But my parents HAD to drag me along, since everyone refused to take me in. I don't blame those people. I would avoid myself too if I could. Or maybe I wouldn't. I can have a reasonably interesting conversation with myself sometimes.

Anyway, I leave next Friday (June 15th), and won't be back until July 15th. By then I'll already have had my birthday. To bad I won't be in America, I'll miss out on the free slurpee's they'll hand out at 7/11, unless they have 7/11s in Europe.....

Once Upon A Time.....

Once upon a time I had a my very own blog, and it was so long ago that I forgot my user name and password and could never log in again. Let's not hope that that happens again, shall we?

But I am very proud to announce that today, yes this very day, was (IS if it's still June 5th), the day I created this blog. I can here the applause. (*clap* *clap* *clap*) Yes, I can see the happiness BURNING in your eyes. I can hear people screaming in rejoice, praising the stars and crying tears of gladness. I watch them as they leap up and down yelling 'Hallelujah', waving their arms madly, smacking the poor souls next to them in the face, spreading the joy of histaria and bloody noses.

Back to reality. Here I am sitting in my room, supposivley doing some report, but delaying by starting my own blog so I can write and record my pointless and completely random thoughts and making myself seem highly educated by writing big words that not even I know the meaning to (and to my amazment, I spelled them all right!) Wow. I need to get out more often. Instead I spend so much time in my room like some emotionally challenge freak who's afraid to go out in the world but instead locks themselves in their room and makes friends with random predators on the internet. It sure is the life. But then again, I REALLY need to do that report, but my computer has turned high speed internet against me by blocking uninappropriate websites, giving me stupid popups, and taking forever to load a single webpage. Thank God I don't have dial-up. That would be the death of me. I better post this before I decide to kick this computer and watch it shut down.