My dojo

I feel like talking about my dojo. The aura around that place is amazing. I never walk out of the dojo upset. There's people there that I see outside of my every day life, out of my continuous string of school and work. During the summer, it becomes a bigger priority. I go every time I possibley can, which would mean six classes per week. I see the regular people there. The instructors, my friends, Sifu. I'll talk a bit about them.

Sifu:
"Sifu" meaning teacher in Chinese. Sifu really has earned the title of "Siju", which means master in Chinese, but decided that Sifu qualified good enough by his standards (I did research on that...amazing what you can find on the internet). He's a really interesting person. I hear good things about him. I hear bad things about him. At first, I was so interested in his character, I didn't know how to look at him. Now I look up to him. He's like....a mutt....I guess you could say, if that makes sense. He's a mix. He's not just one thing, he's several other. He's kind, mean, compassionate, serious, easy-going, he's just Sifu. I didn't have the best impression about him at first, but now I think he's amazing. I also believe I'm the only one of the kids to realize that he can read minds. It became obvious me earlier this year. It may sound crazy, but it's totally and completely possible and true.

Mr. Trent:
Bubbly and excited. Always smiling. He has lines on his face from smiling 24/7. He's really bouncy too. Literally, the first time I saw him he was jumping up and down. He's not a kid, he looks like he's twenty-something-or-other. His presense is always enjoyable. He's someone that would make the most depressed person of the most depressed people on this entire planet smile.

Miss M:
In my opinion, she would make an excellent teacher. Of course, she's only about twenty, so I don't think she nessecarily would get all the respect she deserves. She's someone I can relate too. She understands what I feel I guess. You can't really describe what it's like, it's just something you'd have to experience for yourself.

Mrs. D:
She reminds me of my mom. Only older. And a bit happier. 'Nough said.

Mr. G:
Now he is a teacher. He sticks out too. He seems sort of like an akward person. Not a very good younger-kid-person. He's stiff, and when he talks, it's almost monotone. And he scares me somewhat.

Then I have my kung-fu friends. I love them. They're like siblings to me. Everyone at that dojo feels like a sibling to me. It's just....kind of like a long-lost family. If I don't go there for a long time, I feel terrible. Like I'm homesick. I'm pretty sure it's homesickness. I miss it there.

Married

Yes, I'm getting married.
SURPRISE!
Well, my brother is getting married, not I. But if I was getting married, you, my dear blog would be.....the......sixth person I would inform. But I'm already married. I got married on a bus in Chicago. Ha.
So yeah, it's my brother's wedding, a cause for celebration. The ceremony is today at six, the reception and dinner at eight. I would feel a lot more excited for him if it weren't for the fact I'm ineligible to take a nap. I got my stupid hair done, so now I can't mess it up, or else the effect of half a can of hair spray will go to waste. Joy. I can feel fifty some barrettes poking multiple places throughout my cranium.
So how is my life? Good, I would say. I feel like I'm in place, and so is everything else. I guess things could be better, (like I could get a chance to sleep before midnight), but other than that I'm content with life.
Yesterday I just had a realization....it was like an epiphany...I just...felt like I suddenly had the power to do anything I want, and that damn right I should. And it hasn't gone away. It's been sticking to me, and I sure as hell want it to stay. I know I'm not invincible, but I can make myself believe I'm anything I want.
I guess I'm a lucky person. Well, yeah, I am a very lucky person. I have my guitar, I have kung-fu, I have my awesome friends, I have Tristan. All of those things make me happy. And I'm glad I have them. And I'd do anything not to lose them. Maybe it's because I went through lohan yesterday...a kung-fu test from hell. And maybe, throughout all the horse-stances and Uncle Willies, I felt like I could do anything. That this feeling was great. That I didn't have to live my life by anyone else's standards, just by my own. I was a ruler. I owned myself. I'm not a loser. I have a purpose. I've changed peoples' lives. I've done awesome things. I have talents, abilities, and potential. Just because I'm locked up in house all summer doesn't mean my life is over. It means God just wants me to take a break. And I'm glad I'm getting that break. I've needed it.
Any who, I have a wedding to go to soon. Well, not really soon at all. But, duty calls. And my b-e-a-utiful nails are done drying, and I'm going to do other things to make me look descent. Seeya later.

Scared

I'm just suddenly...scared. For no apparent reason. I just felt this huge pit of emptiness open up, and then I just couldn't settle down. I started to panic, and then I felt on the verge of tears, and I really had to talk to someone. Now I feel lonely. And I have no clue what brought on this feeling when I was just chipper this morning. My mouth feels like cardboard. And my mind is racing. I just want to write to let out some of my feelings. So I can feel better.
What am I scared of? What is driving me insane right now?
I think I'm afraid to live. I think I'm afraid of everything that's going to happen in my life, and how the hell I'm going to take it. I think I'm scared of everyone I love, and how I know they can hurt me. I think I'm scared of betrayal, and feeling left out. I think I'm scared of heaven, and scared of...forever. A concept I can't grab. I think I'm scared of myself, and afraid to look down deep inside and find out what is there. I think I'm scared of what people will think of me...and what I'll think of them. I think I'm scared of no one loving me, of eternal blankness and unhappiness. I think I'm scared of death, not for me, but for others. I think I'm so scared of change that I don't want to accept anything anymore. I think I'm scared of self-esteem, and how easy it is to lower it. I think I'm scared of pain....both physically and emotionally. I think I'm scared of everyone, and everything, and anyone. I think I'm scared to admit that I'm scared. I think I'm scared that I'll realize how scared I really am, and how everyone else is probably so scared, they too don't know how to cope.
I'm too scared to stop writing, I'm too scared to move, I'm too scared to admit my mistakes, and I'm too scared of not being able to find out what comes next.

Gaby and Tristan's love

Well, I just checked my email on my MSN account, and found out that I got a response from Gaby and Tristan when I sent them an email before I went to Florida. I was really disappointed with Tristan's response:

"no one forgot about you Sarah. I love you more! -Tristan"

While on the other hand, Gaby's message was much more touching:

"SNARAH my dearest my lover my best friend I LOVE YOU i miss you already and i need you by my side call me soon cuz i need to hear you voice i love you soo much i dont kno if you have ur computer rite now but if you do i better get an immeadiate ressponce!! i love you my dearest and always remember that!! also remember that im NUMBER ONE!! Hellz Yeah!! he he well now that i got that off my chest... I CALLED HER ON THE PHONE AND SHE TOUCHED HERSELF!! WHEN I WATCH YOU WANT TO DO YOU RITE WHERE UR STANDING YEAHHH!! *DEEP BREATH* HELLO? *DEEP BREATH* WAHH.. WAHH.. WAHH.. WAHH!! LOL MAYBEE I SHOULD TAKE OFF CAPS LOCK LOL. there we go very calm then again i like chaos but whatever i do what i want. i have a new song for us to love and over sing its called i kissed a girl lol its by katy perry lol she has another song called ur so gay i like that one too its ends: UR SO GAY AND YOU DONT EVEN LIKE PENIS lol i love love love love love love love lobe love love love love love love love love love love love you!! sareah ill miss you while im at arcadia im leavin in the morning for it so i wont have computer axcess so i cant e mail ypou so this is the only one you will recieve frum me but u can still call me cuz im sneakin my cell. i wonder if this message will go on forever and ever and ever and ever... do you think sooo? what do you think sarah? i kno what you think. you think about me and tristan and me somemore and how you want to to my dog and how bologna is gross.. *mummble*yes yes yes yes yes yes that is what you think about all the time.i hope we can get together so we can eat sweet cookie dough together again lol! well its 8:40 and i think im mostlikely straining your eyes with my many words of love so i think ill stop now.... NEVERMIND... HE HE i love you sarah. i hope you have funn with whatever you are doing and as soon as you get back ill be in you bed waiting. just waiting. waithing for you and your buzzum.hope i see you soon. MISS YOUU!!!!!!!!!for everyday that i dont see you ill cut a strand of hair and ill give them to you so that if we ever get sepperated you can hire the FBI and give them my hair strand and they will hunt me down and we will reunite and everything will be grand and will all fold perfectly together like an orgami swan. he he my fingers are hurting so i think ill stop typeing for now.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
wow that was a long line of dotts. well anywho im gunna go jam out to some of our songs so i guess ill be back later call me or ill kill you lol
BYE BYE
~~~~~~SnAbBy~~~~~~"


SOOO, I have another reason to slap Tristan. But, then again, according to a Chinese Proverb "The greatest speaker speaks few words." But than again, I didn't find too much hidden meaning in Tristan's message. Just a lie (I love him more).
Thus, I display the difference between much and little love, or maybe the difference between male and female. Shall we ever discover the mental difference between the two mystifying species? Alas, we may never know.

Eternity (Hurray for crappy poems! This one has no relevant topic. I just put some stuff together...in five minutes o' course)

Wanna see it fucking rain?

Take a gun, blow out my brain

Sun behind a midnight cloud

Music playing way too loud

Ceiling white as can be

Kill me now, set me free

Can't be scared by any death

But life right now I think is best

I want to see the red sunrise

Food for the heart and blood-shot eyes

Symphony ringing in my ears

Snow so white, water clears

Melt away the winter pain

Forever may the sunshine reign

Can you feel the undertow?

Waves crash to and fro

Rocks tear away the flesh

Till nothing but a soul is left

Hollow, burning, bright and full

Lights still shining, never dull

Float to heaven far above

Shot down like a morning dove

Feathers float around the grave

Of a soul too hard to save

I hope not to be that way

Hell can only seal that day

Just don't let it, let it go

Stay strong with no hope

Form a path, you're own way

Or pay a price you cannot pay

Would I, can I, spare a dime?

Hell, at least I can still rhyme.

Sitting in a room with the AC turned up way to high and feeling enlightened

Well, today is the last day I will spend in Florida, meaning that I must get up at four in the morning tomorrow for another twenty-two hour drive, which takes two days. Sure, it DOES get boring, but I do have several books and an ipod, which can provide hours of entertainment to keep me preoccupied. And I have the game "Phase" on my ipod, which is like guitar hero, and I admit that I've been playing it a bit more than I've been playing my guitar lately....
But once I'm back in Michigan, I get to go back to all of my old activities. Guitar lessons, kung-fu, camping, my job, and my NEWEST activity and hobby, scuba diving.
Once my dad sends me the pictures he took of me in the ocean, I'll post them. It's so awesome to think that I can finally do something more than snorkeling after all the years of watching my parents set up their scuba equipment (cuz now I got my own!). No more star gazing on night dives or sitting around in the swimming area at the quarry! Bwahaha! It makes me feel so much more educated too. I learned about all the equipment, the three main parts (BCD, tank, and reg) and about all the things you can get from diving (nitrogen narcosis, decompression sickness, decompression illness), and how to plan dives, establish neutral buoyancy, the buddy system, and all that boodle. I learned it all on the internet in three days, and then spent two days out in the ocean and in the pool. Only yesterday did I get my certification as a Jr. Open Water Diver (Which basically means I can dive wherever and whenever I want, as long as I don't exceed the depth of sixty feet, or dive without a parent until I'm fifteen).
So I've done a lot over (all the girls in the bathroom talking....who they gonna take to the Sadie Hawkins....just love that song) the past two weeks, and am ready to go home and see all my friends again. Of course I've been missing them. Especially Tristan. Mostly Tristan. But I miss Hannah, Amanda, and Gaby a lot too. And basically everyone else.
Hm....so, I think I'll post a descriptive post about Key West. And maybe I'll write a poem or be lazy and post song lyrics.

Palm Trees

Everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

Do you know where I am? Do you know that outside my window is the ocean? The glossy lips of the water kissing the sand? Did you know that the weather is warm? I have a tan? The palm trees are waving? The water a washin'? Are you jealous?

I would be.

Grumble

I'm going to make a lousy attempt to write a post. So here I am. Just throwing words at the computer. But they mean nothing. Flat and thin words that have no significance. Blown away by the wind. Blown away to reveal a giant blank spot in the middle of the page.






No meaning, no nothing. Now just a jumble of letters floating in time. A bunch of....gobbledygook.