I think like I write

I never really paid close attention, but when I think, I write out my thoughts. I think like I'm in a story, and that everything is happening to me as the main character, and that I'm writing my thoughts into a permanent book that lies in the back of my mind. I wish I could find some magic way to access it. What was I thinking a year ago on this day? If I remember correctly, today was the day that I flew home from France. A day after the French Independence day.
And I was thinking today. Writing into my head. About the people in my life. I always think about them. And I was set thinking about them more after talking to Stephanie. Will they be there forever?
Okay, so mainly I was thinking about Tristan. I know my friends will be there forever. And I know Tristan's my friend. At least I hope he thinks of me as the same way I do. I love him, like I'm in love with him, like a brother, and then like a best friend. And I think of all my friends like siblings. Most of the time I feel like an older sibling. I am older a lot of the time too. Well, at least in a few cases. But I was just thinking about permanence...I guess that's what I worry about when I think about Tristan. Because I miss him all the time because...well, I don't know how he'll feel tomorrow. Or how I'll feel tomorrow. I'm basically 101% sure that I will feel the same tomorrow, if not even stronger. But...I mean, it's just because I know that the friends I have are already permanent. I know they'll be for me forever. But what about him? And that leads to questions about other people. Like what about Sifu? Sifu's the best teacher I've ever met. And Tristan's the best person I've ever met. What if I lost them? At that point, I don't know.
But...I don't think I will. Because I have this feeling...it's a feeling like I want to break down and cry...but it's....good. It's happy. I like the feeling. I want to feel this way. I want to feel loved like this forever. Because I've never felt that way before. It feels awesome. If it's meant to last forever, all these people in my life that I love so much, then it will. If not...then I don't know. It wasn't meant to be? No, I will make it meant to be. Nothing is impossible.
So I close my book on that thought right then, and then shove it into the dusty shelf with the volumes of my life. I lock the door and hide the key. The story of my life to myself. The story that I will some day share with everyone. The story I have already shared with some. It's one of my personal favorites.