Bike Ride

I push the pedals and roll out of the driveway, bumping gently up and down as I ride toward the solid, new concrete of Eleven Mile. The sun is yet to set in the west, and I can see the shadows of the world grow longer, I become a ten foot giant in the eyes of the sun. I roll on down into Huntington Woods a.....woodsy area. The tree canopies bend down, dark shapes touching the sky. They are everywhere, making the world seem dark, but appearing kind at the same time, a nice, cool, reassuring feeling.
I ride toward the zoo, letting my worries and unhappiness blow away with the gentle wind that caresses me. I ride down a winding street, and get glimpses of zoo goers, of lemurs, camels, and giraffes. I see the bear fountain pumping out water that glistens like tiny prisms in the setting sun. I continue to ride, and feel a cool sensation overwhelming, and smile to myself.
I continue along the winding path until I hear the roar of the freeway. I inhale exhaust and fumes from cars, and the sent of fresh grass disappears. I am now riding next to Woodward, riding along the zoo until Woodward turns into 696. I turn along with the sidewalk, passing under the parking structure. I continue on west, the zoo walls next to me, and the cars on my left side. I am riding toward the setting sun, the never-dying eye of God. It grows weaker as it goes onto the next side of the world, soon to be replaced by God's right eye. The glorious moon.
I realize that I may never stop riding, I don't want to. I want to keep the image of the orange and blue in my head forever.
I turn then, back toward the east, which grows darker and darker by the second. I ride and ride, streamlining myself so that I fly on by, my leg muscles flexing as I feel the wind against my chest. I pass by everything once more, not going back into the now haughty woods. I continue to pedal, seeing the street were Tristan lives. I wonder what he would think if I just showed up there right then and there. I wonder how hard it would be to resist the temptation to just turn down his street and ride on down toward him. Summer is over, but I don't want it to be. It's too soon, school is already in, and I don't want to go on without him. I want to see his face every day like I used to, I want him to feed my senses like he always does. I pass by his street, and continue down toward mine. I could fall in his arms right now, any time I would. But I have the strength to breathe on my own. I have the strength to be my own.
An ambulance seers by at the speed of light, my ears splitting from he echoing siren. I wonder if he can hear it too. I wonder if he wonders if I can hear it. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he's in his own world right now.
My street is approaching, and I turn down it, toward the west, were the orange and the blue form the milky indigo that looks so much like the setting sun in my painting for Tristan. An incomplete work of art that I have to finish by the 16th. I have no doubt I will.
The way the sky looks, is so unrealistic, I swear I fall in love. The sky is always perfect, no matter what. It always finds a way to look beautiful. Each time in a different way.
I approach my home, the sun almost gone.
I pull into the driveway and my bike ride ends, I look at the calming lavender sky one last time, the color that reminds me of love.
I put my bike away and enter my house. I turn on the radio and the ceiling fan spins slowly above my head. I look outside, to see a pitch black sky, the beads of my curtains reflecting a dark blue image back at me. I look outside to see the forms of the trees, and the light dark blue west. I take one last look, then close my blinds. I turn off the music and I lay in my bed. I close my eyes for the last time for the day and I fall into sleep.

Phone Call (not my song, I just love the lyrics)

Well I'm just a fool for you and I think I'm going crazy

I can't control myself or contain my thoughts

It's eating me up inside

Now I see everything a little more clearly

The bad outweighs the good things.

Was this every good thing for me?

Oh oh

Was this every good thing for me?

Oh oh

You're just a phone call away

Every day you seem further away

(you're just a phone call away)

I do my best to put my pride aside and apologize cut myself down a notch

(Every day you seem further away)

And I know I said some things that hurt

Took ninety seven missed calls to finally get over you

All I, all I really wanted was a good job

A nine to five never seemed to cut it

Was too wrapped up in her to be working like that

Soon you'll see that everything will work out for me

So keep your promises you promised to me

Whoa oh oh yeah

You're just a phone call away

Every day you seem further away

(your just a phone call away)

I do my best to put my pride aside and apologize cut myself down a notch

(Every day you seem further away)

I know I said some things that hurt

Took ninety seven missed calls to finally get over you

You're taking me places I've never been

You're feeling me out and I'm filling you in

What's more important?

Saving yourself or letting me in

What's more important?

What's more important?

What's more important?

Saving yourself or letting me in You're just a phone call away

Every day you seem further away

(you're just a phone call away)

I do my best to throw my pride aside and apologize cut myself down a notch

(Every day you seem further away)

I know I said some things that hurt

Took ninety seven missed calls to finally get over you

Well I'm just a fool for you and I think I'm going crazy

I'm just a fool for you and I think I'm going crazy

I'm just a fool for you and I think I'm going crazy

I'm just a fool for you and I think I'm going crazy

(by Forever The Sickest Kids)

I am giving BIRTH through my freaking ear

That's what it feels like. Sounds painful? You can bet it does. I want to explode. I think I'm going deaf. It HUURRRRRTTTS. Ow ow ow ow ow ow. I can imagine middle ear juices oozing out. Well, if it stops, it works. Just go AWAY!
Well, I think the pain killers are kicking in a bit....that's good. I might have to OD on Tylenol PMs if I want to get to bed. Oh god, never mind, it's coming back. I'm going to have little mutant ear babies. HELP MEEEE!

Poking my brain

I hate when I can't think of anything to post. When I just stare at the screen and think...well, what comes next?
My skin is paper, and right now I'm being pierced by needles. I guess that would describe my feelings. God I don't know. Just existing sucks. I want to be twenty. The whole teenager gist left behind me, and then I can see where I am. What I have, what I've left behind. Just to find out where I would be. Just a glimpse.
Or would a glimpse just ruin everything? I guess time is just a weird tube that extends through everyone's life. You spend it, you keep it, you have it, you lose it. Sounds poetic.
But...ugh, I don't know. I feel so confused. And...I don't know! ERRR! It kills me. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's like a ton of emotions in a rubber band ball that bounces around in my head, giving me headaches and making me feel...like....like....well, so hard to describe, and for the love of God, I just want it to go away. I want help. Maybe I do need a freakin' therapist. I just don't get anything....I don't know. Oh God, I don't know.