I hate myself.

I've had the crappiest day.
I've had the crappiest past several days.
I feel like one of those deranged plastic toys that got goofed up on the assembly line. So they throw it out, or recycle it, so maybe it can be used again, but will always end up in the trash.
I can't tell anybody.
My best friend can't talk at the moment.
I feel like I have no one to go to.
People I care about have been turning around and lashing out at me, or ignoring me, or just won't be around me. I feel like even God has left me, just sitting here, alone in my room. And I'm afraid, because I might do something that I might regret, something that might come back to hurt me.
And I'm scared because when I thought of that thing, my heart raced with excitement.
I don't want to feel this way.
I don't have a cure, and I feel like I'm falling.
And now I feel like I'm just complaining, and that it doesn't matter, and that someone will say, "Just grow UP!" or tell me that this is all just a stupid game, and laugh and say that it's no big deal, but how could it be no big deal when it hurts this much?
I think up remedies, I think up cures, but none of them work, and I want them to, because I have so little to hold onto anymore, because I'm just that rejected toy that no one wants, that you play with, and get sick of after a while. I'm just collecting dust and feeling old, I'm only in other people's way, I guess I can't help anyone.
I guess there's no way of knowing how I can get better.