Confused

I really don't know what to do. Lost is a way to describe how I feel. Like when you are in the mall, and you loose your mom on accident, and you can't find where she is, until some strange security man comes along and tries to help you find her. But you don't know who the hell that security guard is, and you're screwed anyway because you're mom's going to have a hell of a time screaming her face off in your direction when you two finally reunited.
I mean...I have enough trouble freaking out about 4.0s anyway, why the heck should I worry about anything else? The fact that I have two A minuses and screwed up two lit assignments because I was studying for midterms which dropped my grade from a 98 to a 96 drives me out of my MIND. I have so many goals to step up to, and in that way, I have no regard for any of my feelings.
The truth is, I feel like sh*t.
I don't feel happy.
I could have more then a hundred 4.0s, but letters and numbers will never bring true happiness. I just feel...expressionless.
Everyone says, "you're so happy!", but that just changes when I have some time to myself.
I should wait. Should I wait? See what happens? See if anything will ever change? But I've been waiting for so long...and now, just seeing and feeling and not just thinking about what happened in the past, but holding it in my hand no matter how much it was to be revenge, it was still a shock.
Why can't I give....up?